Channel 3 Tue Jul 21 09:07:55 1998 AT 3. JERRY: LET'S GO UP TO MY ROOM. BOBBIE: WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME FOR DINNER, AND WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES. FELICIA: TONY HAS STOOD BY ME THROUGH SOME OF THE WORST TIMES IN MY LIFE, AND NOW HE'S THE ONE WHO NEEDS SUPPORT. TAGGERT: YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM ME JUST AS SOON AS I HAVE ALL MY DUCKS IN A ROW. MONICA: HE'S TAKEN SOME TIME OFF FROM HIS PRACTICE AND ADMINISTRATIVE DUTIES. HE'S -- WELL, HE'S EXHAUSTED. TAGGERT: MIGHT BE ALL THOSE PILLS HE'S BEEN POPPING. [LUKE CHIMES ON GLASS] LUKE: WHAT'S FOR DESSERT? [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY ABC, INC.] FELICIA: LUCKILY, THEY SAW THE MISTAKE ON LUCY'S BUTT JUST IN TIME BEFORE THEY WERE ABOUT ABLE -- BEFORE THEY WERE JUST ABOUT TO TATTOO KEVIN'S NAME ON MY BUTT. CAN YOU IMAGINE? I WOULD HAVE DIED. BOBBIE: SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? LUCY'S WALKING AROUND WITH MAC'S NAME TATTOOED ON HER BUTT? FELICIA: FOR THE MOMENT. IT'S A GOOD THING SHE'S MY VERY BEST FRIEND. BOBBIE, I REALLY JUST WANTED TO HAVE DINNER WITH YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE IF WE CAN COME TO SOME KIND OF RESOLUTION. I HOPE YOU'RE NOT STILL ANGRY WITH ME ABOUT TONY. BOBBIE: FELICIA, I KNOW YOU THINK TONY IS A FINE HUMAN BEING WHOSE COMPASSION KEPT YOUR DAUGHTER ALIVE. AND I'LL BET CHARLES MANSON DID SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE ONCE. FELICIA: OH, COME ON. YOU'RE SUGGESTING THAT HE'S DANGEROUS. BOBBIE: I'M SUGGESTING THAT HE HAS CHANGED. HE'S NOT THE TONY WE USED TO KNOW. WAS THAT MAN CAPABLE OF KIDNAPPING? OF HOLDING A SICK GIRL HOSTAGE? OF ABSOLVING HIMSELF OF ALL GUILT AND INSISTING THAT HE'S RIGHT? ISN'T IT OBVIOUS TO YOU THAT HE'S CHANGED? WOULD IT HELP YOU TO KNOW THAT HE MADE HIS REUNION PITCH WITH A BASEBALL BAT? FELICIA: WHAT? BOBBIE: SO, NO MORE TONY SPEECHES, OK? FELICIA: OK. BOBBIE: LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING HAPPY, LIKE YOUR WEDDING. IS EVERYTHING IN PLACE? ALAN: ARE YOU COMING OR NOT? MAN: YEAH, IN COSTUME. I'LL BE THE ONE IN THE BEIGE CORPORATE NUMBER. ALAN: WEAR THE GRAY SUIT, USE THE SERVICE ROAD, AND THEN THE PATH BEHIND THE TENNIS COURTS. DO YOU HAVE MY FULL ORDER? MAN: YEAH. THERE IS A SERVICE CHARGE FOR HOME DELIVERIES. ALAN: JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET IN AND OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU GET SPOTTED. IF THAT DOESN'T WORK OUT, YOU WATCH YOUR DICTION. YOU ARE DR. MORTENSEN, A WELL-SPOKEN PHYSICIAN FROM CINCINNATI. MAN: WELL, WHAT AM I DOING IN YOUR BACK YARD? WRONG TURN IN TOLEDO OR WHAT? ALAN: YOU TOOK A STROLL IN THE GARDENS. YOU GOT LOST. ANY MORE QUESTIONS? MAN: YEAH. WHAT WAS MY MOTIVATION? ALAN: YOUR MOTIVATION AN ENVELOPE FILLED WITH CASH. MAN: NO, I MEAN FOR THIS MORTENSEN CHARACTER. I MEAN, WH'S HE ALL ABOUT? ALAN: DON'T PLAY WITH ME! ALAN: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? NED: I'M ASKING MYSELF THE SAME QUESTION. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT, PEOPLE ARE DANCING, TOASTING EACH OTHER UNDER THE STARS. BUT HERE I AM, STUCK MONITORING THE FAMILY PILL FREAK. AND I ASK YOU -- WHY IS IT MY JOB? TAGGERT: HOW MANY BRAIN CELLS YOU FIGURE THE OLD MAN'S BLOWING? OR MAYBE I SHOULD ASK YOU HOW MANY HE HAS LEFT. SUBSTANCE ABUSE AFFECTS JOB PERFORMANCE. NEAT TRICK HE LASTED AS LONG AS HE DID. MONICA: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU'VE GOTTEN THE IMPRESSION THAT MY HUSBAND -- TAGGERT: LIKE MOST JUNKIES, HE WAS SLOPPY. AND WE HAVE A MUTUAL FRIEND. MONICA: OH, I DOUBT THAT. TAGGERT: YOUR HUSBAND'S PRIMARY PILL PROVIDER HAPPENS TO BE A LONGTIME STREET CONTACT OF MINE. MONICA: AND YOU WOULD TRUST THE WORD OF A COMMON -- TAGGERT: WHAT I TRUST ARE THESE. I PERSONALLY OBSERVED THE GOOD DOCTOR IN A CRASHED-OUT DRUG NOD IN A NO-STAR HOTEL. MONICA: WELL, I FIND THAT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE. TAGGERT: SO DID I. AND -- MAY I BE FRANK? -- DEEPLY DISHEARTENING. MONICA: MY HUSBAND OFTEN TAKES MEDICATION FOR PAIN. TAGGERT: MM-HMM. LIFE IS A PAINFUL EXPERIENCE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE AN ADDICT. DID THE GOOD DOCTOR HAPPEN TO TELL YOU WHAT HE WAS DOING DOWN ON CORTLAND STREET THE OTHER NIGHT? MONICA: WELL, HE SOMETIMES MAKES HOUSE CALLS. TAGGERT: WRONG. HE WENT TO SCORE PHARMACEUTICALS, ENDED UP GETTING ROLLED BY A STREET PUNK, LIMPED AWAY WITH MINIMUM DAMAGE, BUT LATER RETURNED TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME -- NOT TO SEARCH FOR HIS ROLEX OR TO SEARCH FOR HIS DIGITAL PHONE. NO, RAMBO ALAN WENT BACK TO JACK UP THE LOCALS. HE WANTED HIS HAPPY PILLS. NOW, I'M NOT A MARRIED MAN, BUT A MAN THAT IS THAT STRUNG OUT, IT WOULD SEEM TO ME HIS WIFE OUGHT TO KNOW. MY GUESS -- YOU'VE BEEN HIP FOR A WHILE. MONICA: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? LUKE: HELLO, SWEETHEART. DON'T YOU LOOK PRETTY. MOMMY REALLY DOLLED YOU UP FOR THE PARTY, DIDN'T SHE? SORRY TO BE LATE. I GUESS I DIDN'T GET YOUR NOTE, BUT I GOT THE PHONE MESSAGE YOU LEFT FOR ME AT THE CLUB. IT SEEMED A BIT CRYPTIC, A BIT HURRIED. WERE YOU IN A RUSH? STEFAN: THIS DINNER IS IN HONOR OF NIKOLAS. LUKE: AH. A CELEBRATION OF BIRTH? NIKOLAS: NO. SIMPLY A DINNER WITH MY MOTHER AND MY SISTER. LUKE: A FESTIVAL OF FAMILY TIES. STEFAN: WELL, OUR DINNER APPEARS TO BE OVER. LUKE: OH, NOT BECAUSE OF ME, I HOPE. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED, SWEETHEART -- ALL FASHIONS AND FACTIONS AND FACETS OF YOUR FAMILY GATHERED AROUND ONE TABLE, STUFFING DOWN ONE ENORMOUS MEAL. SOME MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT THAT WAS A NAIVE FANTASY, OTHERS AN INVITATION TO MANSLAUGHTER, BUT NOT ME. I'M EASY, I -- I LIKE TO COOPERATE. SO, HERE WE ALL ARE. ALL WE NEED NOW IS LUCKY AND HELENA. STEFAN: I'LL RING FOR ANOTHER CHAIR. LAURA: I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. LUKE: NO, NOT ON MY ACCOUNT. I'M COMFORTABLE WHERE I AM. ARE YOU HAVING FUN, SWEETHEART? MRS. LANSBURY: SHALL I SERVE DESSERT? LUKE: NO DESSERT FOR ME, THANK YOU. I'LL JUST SIP THIS WINE. IT ISN'T POISONED, IS IT? WELL, HERE'S TO US -- THE PERFECT POSTNUKED, RADIOACTIVE, BUT FULLY BLENDED FAMILY. ALWAYS ULTRA HAS AN ULTRA-ABSORBENT LOCK-AWAY CORE... THAT TURNS LIQUID INTO GEL AND HELPLOCK IT INSIDE. ü I AM STUCK ON BAND-AID BRAND ü ü 'CAUSE BAND-AID HELPS HEAL ME ü NEW BAND-AID BRAND BANDAGES, WITH ALOE AND VITAMIN E FROM JOHNSON & JOHNSON, SOOTHE CUTS AND SCRAPES BETTER THAN ORDINARY BANDAGES. ü 'CAUSE BAND-AID HELPS HEAL ME üü WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU TRY TO KILL GERMS WITH LEMON FRESH PINE SOL? LEMON SCENTED GERMS. TO KILL GERMS, USE LYSOL DEODORIZING CLEANER. JUSTUS: CARLOS HAS BEEN VERY, VERY COOPERATIVE. HIS SHIPMENTS ARE COMPLETE. THEY'RE ON TIME. AND NO RUMBLINGS, NOT EVEN A WHISPER. THE DOCKS ARE IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND. JASON: IT IS AMAZING WHAT A SKILLED NEGOTIATOR CAN DO. JUSTUS: WELL, I'LL ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT, BUT DIPLOMACY MEANS NOTHING UNLESS IT'S BACKED UP WITH POWER. JASON: POWER DEPENDS ON SMOOTH TRANSACTIONS CARRIED OUT WITH DISCRETION AND TACT. JUSTUS: WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT WORKS FOR ME. JASON: WORKS FOR ME, TOO, JUSTUS. THAT'S THE BEAUTY. WORKS ALL AROUND. FELICIA: THERE'S A COUNTDOWN TO THE WEDDING, AND I'M JUST FEELING ALL KINDS OF DOUBTS. AND, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE THAT JUST MEANS THAT I SHOULD -- BOBBIE: WHAT IT MEANS IS YOU'VE GOT THE JITTERS. YOU AND MAC ARE MEANT TO BE. FELICIA: WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? BOBBIE: WELL, BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL TOGETHER IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING -- ALL THE BREAKUPS AND THE DISAPPOINTMENTS AND THE DISASTERS. YOU AND MAC ARE SOLID. HEY, GIRL, WHAT YOU'VE GOT IS THE JITTERS. AND ONE OF THESE DAYS, YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK BACK ON ALL OF THIS AND LAUGH BECAUSE SOME COUPLES ARE BUILT TO LAST. LUKE: AH, THE 20th CENTURY TAKES QUITE A BASHING. SURE, IT'S BEEN A BLOODBATH FROM BEGINNING TO END, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WARM, FUZZY MOMENTS LIKE THIS ONE? NOT TO MENTION NAGASAKI. STEFAN: I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE A STUDENT OF HISTORY. OR ANYTHING ELSE, FOR THAT MATTER. LUKE: OH, YES, I'M A STUDENT OF PHILOSOPHY. I PONDER THE BIG QUESTIONS LIKE WITH GOD DEAD OR ON VACATION OR M.I.A. OR WHATEVER, THERE'S A BIG VOID OUT THERE TO FILL. SOME THINK IT'S A NEGATIVE THING. I THINK IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY. AND HERE WE ARE, FILLING THE VOID WITH NO GOD TO PUNISH US OR TO BE PLEASED WITH US. I THINK WE DESERVE A HAND. CAN YOU GIVE EVERYBODY A HAND, BABY? COME ON. GIVE DADDY A LITTLE APPLAUSE AND MOMMY AND COUNT VLAD AND THE REPTILE PRINCE AND -- LAURA: THAT'S ENOUGH. LUKE: CERTAINLY, MY DEAR. IF YOU SAY SO. MRS. LANSBURY: WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE? LUKE: MY DAUGHTER'S QUITE CRAZY ABOUT YOUR CREME BRULEE. DO YOU THINK YOU SCARE UP ANOTHER DISH? MRS. LANSBURY: YES, OF COURSE. NIKOLAS: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE? HMM? HOW BOORISH YOU ARE? BECAUSE THAT WE ALREADY KNEW. HOW EASILY YOU INVADE OUR HOME, MAYBE? NO. KATHERINE'S LITTLE ACCIDENT MADE THAT VERY CLEAR. LUKE: YOU'RE NOT STILL TROUBLED BY THAT, ARE YOU? NIKOLAS: DON'T EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN'T -- STEFAN: DUE NOTE HAS BEEN MADE OF YOUR CUNNING. LUKE: THANK YOU. IT'S A GIFT. AH, MORE DESSERT. NEVER MIND FETCHING ME COGNAC, MADAM. I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS. BE RIGHT BACK. TALK AMONG YOURSELVES. LAURA: I CAN'T BEGIN TO APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THIS. NIKOLAS: WAIT, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. LAURA: COME ON, SWEETHEART. WE'RE GOING TO GO HOME NOW, OK? NIKOLAS: YOU CAN'T LET HIM DRIVE YOU AWAY LIKE THAT. LAURA: NIKOLAS, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO? NIKOLAS: CAN'T WE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS? STEFAN: NO, NIKOLAS. NOW IS NOT THE TIME. NIKOLAS: NO, WAIT. I DON'T MEAN THIS AS CRITICISM, OK, BUT HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH -- LAURA: NIKOLAS, PLEASE DON'T. LUKE: MOMMY CORRECTING YOUR MANNERS? GOOD FOR YOU, DARLING. HE'S INCREDIBLY RUDE. NIKOLAS: OK, OK. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. LUKE: HMM. HE'S NOT ENJOYING THE PARTY. LAURA: WE'RE LEAVING. LUKE: SO SOON? I WAS JUST GETTING WARMED UP. LAURA: COME ON, HONEY. LUKE: SHE'S NOT THROUGH WITH HER DESSERT. LAURA: YES, SHE IS. SO AM I. LUKE: OH, WELL. AND THE EVENING HELD SUCH POTENTIAL. LAURA: GOOD NIGHT, AND THANK YOU. STEFAN: YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ARE WELCOME HERE WHENEVER IT SUITS YOU, AND FOR HOWEVER LONG. LAURA: I'M SORRY. LUKE: ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM, CASSADINE. YOU WON'T GET DINNER PARTIES LIKE THIS IN THE JOINT. NIKOLAS: WHY IS HE ALLOWED TO LIVE? WHY HAVEN'T WE ELIMINATED HIM? ALAN: YOU ARE THE ORIGINAL CHRISTIAN MARTYR, THE PATRON SAINT OF "PASS THE BLAME." LISTEN, IF YOUR LOVE LIFE IS A WASTELAND, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE. NED: OH, OF COURSE. YOU'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING -- YOUR FAMILY, YOUR CAREER, YOUR REPUTATION. NONE OF IT! ALAN: IT ISN'T MY FAULT YOUR EXISTENCE IS EMPTY. NED: OR THAT YOURS IS HANGING BY A THREAD? LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE EVEN LESS FIT TO MANAGE YOUR LIFE THAN YOUR PATHETIC DRUNK OF A SON, AND LET'S NOT EVEN MENTION YOUR YOUNGEST SON, WHO PREFERS THUGS TO QUARTERMAINES. ALAN: I UNDERSTAND THEY NOW HAVE VIDEO DATING. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SIGNING UP FOR THAT? NED: AS LONG AS THERE'S GOOD OLD NED, WHY SHOULD WE WORRY? HECK, HE'LL SACRIFICE HIS PERSONAL LIFE TO KEEP THIS FAMILY AFLOAT. ALAN: "HI, I'M NED, YOUR ORIGINAL TRUST FUND BARON WHO'S TRYING TO PASS HIMSELF OFF AS A REGULAR JOE OR A TRAVELING PEDDLER OR A ROCK 'N' ROLL WANNABE. JUST NAME YOUR FANTASY AND I WILL MAKE IT COME TRUE, AT LEAST FOR A LITTLE WHILE." NED: AND WHY DO I DO IT? I MEAN, WHAT DO I GET? NOTHING -- NO PRAISE, NO THANKS. I ASK YOU -- WHAT IS MY RETURN? ALAN: PERMISSION TO INDULGE IN A DISGUSTINGLY SELF-INDULGENT PITY AND BORE THE REST OF US INTO A COMA. TAGGERT: THERE IS A LOST SHEEP IN EVERY FLOCK. MONICA: WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT? TAGGERT: I'M DEEPLY SORRY FOR YOUR TROUBLES, MA'AM. MONICA: OH, YES, I KNOW -- OOZING COMPASSION. TAGGERT: I JUST HOPE WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT. MONICA: OH, BY MUTUAL ARRANGEMENT? WELL, WHERE IS MY LEVERAGE? TAGGERT: YOUR HUSBAND IS A ROLE MODEL IN THE COMMUNITY. IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO DRAG HIM DOWN. A MAN LIKE THAT TROTTED OFF IN CUFFS -- WHAT WOULD THE YOUNG KIDS THINK? MONICA: WE WOULDN'T WANT TO SHATTER THEIR FAITH WHEN WE COULD DO WHAT? TAGGERT: I WANT TO CLEAN UP THE STREETS. I WANT TO MAKE THEM SAFE. I WANT TO DO AWAY WITH THUG-LEVEL CRIME. I WANT TO MAKE THE DOCKS A FAMILY PLACE -- MONICA: OK, YOU CAN STOP RIGHT THERE. TAGGERT: A PLACE THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE CAN BE PROUD OF. MONICA: LOOK, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GET TO JASON THROUGH ME, YOU ARE NOT AT ALL AS BRIGHT AS I THOUGHT YOU WERE. TAGGERT: YOU SEEM TO ME LIKE A WIFE WHO CARES, BUT, HEY, I COULD BE WRONG. MONICA: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? TAGGERT: MAYBE IT'S COOL WITH YOU IF YOUR HUSBAND'S ARRESTED AND TRIED. GEE...THAT OATMEAL WAS LITTLE... YA DONE WITH THOSE SAUSAGES? YA DONE WITH THEM HASH BROWNS? YOU NEED SOME HELP WITH THAT BACON? HOW'D I GET HEARTBURN? ALL I HAD WAS OATMEAL. GOT ANY MYLANTA? ARE YOU KIDDING? ALUMINUM AND MAGNESIUM? YOU WANT TUMS. TUMS HAS CALCIUM. TUMS' CALCIUM KNOCKS OUT HEARTBURN FAST. THEN GOES TO YOUR BONES TO HELP KEEP THEM STRONGER, LONGER. HOW ABOUT A BAG OF DONUTS FOR THE ROAD? HOW ABOUT A BOTTLE OF ü TUM TA TUM TUM TUMS. ü IT STARTED WITH A WHIR... THAT TURNED INTO A BUZZ. AS EACH MORNING MORE WOMEN DISCOVERED... THAT HEAT WAS MAKING THEIR HAIR HEALTHIER. HEAT ACTIVATED THERMASILK SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONERS... HAVE A UNIQUE PROTEIN FORMULA TURNED ON BY HEAT... TO DO MORE THAN PROTECT-- TO ACTUALLY IMPROVE YOUR HAIR'S CONDITION. FROM NOW ON, YOUR MORNING ROUTINE... WILL NEVER BE ROUTINE AGAIN. THERMASILK: IT'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT OUR LATEST KENMORE REFRIGERATOR. WHY ? IT'S THE ONE WITH THE ONE-TOUCH SHELF... THAT ADJUSTS UP OR DOWN WITH THE TWIST OF A KNOB... SO YOU CAN MAKE ROOM FOR LAVISH LAYER CAKES WITHOUT UNLOADING AND RELOADING. WOW. EVERYONE SAYS THERE'S NEVER BEEN ANYTHING QUITE LIKE IT. OTHERS SAY NOTHING AT ALL. INSTEAD, THEY JUST STAND THERE AND DROOL. AMERICA'S BEST-SELLING REFRIGERATOR BRAND. WHEN YOU COMBINE REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS AND CRISPY WAFERS, THE COMBINATION IS IRRESISTIBLE. INTRODUCING REESE STICKS... [ Woman ] ZACK WAS A FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN ROY WAS BORN-- SURPRISE ! OH, I WAS VERY NERVOUS ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR AGES, BUT HE ALWAYS TREATS ROY AS IF HE'S AN EQUAL. SHOULD WE ORDER PIZZA ? OKAY. ROY ADORES THE SHIRT THAT ZACK GAVE HIM. ROY LIVES IN THAT SHIRT SO IT GETS WASHED A LOT. I JUST WANNA KEEP IT LOOKING GREA [ Announcer ] FOR CLOTHES THAT GET WORN A LOT, THERE'S TIDE. REGULAR DERGENTS CAN LEAVE CLOTHES LOOKING OLD, BUT TIDE HELPS KEEP COTTON CLOTHES LOOKING NEWER LONGER. [ Mom ] ROY FEELS SO CLOSE TO HIS BROTHER. THEY'RE INSEPARABLE. [ Announcer ] NOW, TAKE IN THE OUTDOORS. FRESH, COOL, CLEAN. INTRODUCING MOUNTAIN SPRING TIDE WITH BLEH. IT LEAVES BEHIND A FRESH OUTDOOR SCENT. MONICA: YOU REALIZE THIS IS COERCION. TAGGERT: GOTCHA. YOU THOUGHT I WAS SERIOUS, HUH? MONICA: OH. OH, NO. I MEAN, YOU'RE JUST A NDLE OF LAUGHS. TAGGERT: OH, NO, I'M TOO SMART TO TRY TO PIT A MOTHER AGAINST HER BABY BOY. ZIPPIE THE CHIMP COULD TELL YOU THAT'S A STRATEGY FOR FAILURE. I LIKE TO WIN. I NEED TO WIN. TO DO THAT, I NEED TO HAVE YOU ON MY SIDE. MONICA: AGAINST WHOM? FOR WHAT? WOULYOU TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN? TAGGERT: JUSTUS WARD. MONICA: WHY? TAGGERT: HAVE YOU EVER HAD A HANGNAIL OR A COLD SORE THAT WOULDN'T GO AWAY? OR CLOSER YET, A CASE OF HEAD LICE WHERE YOU JUST WANTED TO RIP YOUR HAIR RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD TO MAKE IT GO AWAY? A NASTY CONDITION THAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT. NOW, I THINK YOU CAN HELP ME, DOCTOR. ME AND YOUR HUSBAND AT THE SAME TIME. NED: LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE A USELESS WRECK. BUT MONICA -- SHE HANGS IN THERE. WHEN MOST WOMEN WOULD HAVE PACKED YOU UP AND SHIPPED YOU OFF LONG AGO, SHE IS IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL. AND THE QUESTION IS, WHY? HMM? IS IT LUCK? KARMA? I MEAN, WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE THAT I LACK? YOU KNOW, MAYBE -- MAYBE I AM TOO STEADY, TOO RELIABLE. MAYBE I'M JUST SIMPLY NOT NEEDY ENOUGH. I THINK THAT'S MY PROBLEM. I MEAN, MY PRIORITIES ARE WAY OUT OF WHACK, BUT YOU -- YOU KNOW WHAT MATTERS MOST -- WHAT YOU WANT, HOW YOU FEEL, WHAT YOU NEED. BUT ME -- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, ALAN. I AM A MARTYR. I'M A CHUMP -- A CHUMP TO THE QUARTERMAINE CAUSE. SO WHY WOULD ANY WOMAN PUT UP WITH THAT? AND HOW COULD SHE POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND? UNLESS SHE CAME FROM A DEN OF VIPERS SIMILAR TO OURS. ALEXIS -- NOW, SHE GETS IT. SHE'S LIVED IT. SHE'S LIVING IT NOW -- A CARETAKER TO A DEN OF SNAKES. NED: WELL, AT LEAST THIS SNAKE IS COILED UP FOR THE NIGHT. ALAN: WHAT MAUDLIN CRAP. MRS. LANSBURY: WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE? STEFAN: NO, THANK YOU. YOU CAN LEAVE US. MRS. LANSBURY: GOOD NIGHT. NIKOLAS: YOU HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION. STEFAN: WHY HAVEN'T I MURDERED YOUR MOTHER'S HUSBAND? NIKOLAS: NOT "MURDERED." EXECUTED, FOR CRIMES AGAINST THIS FAMILY. STEFAN: KILLING LUKE IS NOT THE WAY TO YOUR MOTHER'S HEART. NIKOLAS: THE WAY TO HER HEART? STEFAN: FOR YOU, NIKOLAS. YOU WANT AND DESERVE STRONGER TIES. NIKOLAS: OH, YEAH. LUKE WON'T ALLOW THAT. STEFAN: LUKE WILL SOON HAVE NO SAY. NIKOLAS: WHY? ARE YOU PLANNING SOMETHING? ARE YOU TAKING STEPS TO GET -- STEFAN: SPENCER HAS ALREADY TAKEN THE INITIAL STEPS. HE SPITS IN THE FACE OF THE GODS, NIKOLAS. PROVIDENCE FROWNS ON HUBRIS. NIKOLAS: WILL PROVIDENCE WIPE HIM OFF THE FACE OF THIS EARTH? STEFAN: I WOULD RATHER SEE HIM LIVE IN AGONY THAN ESCAPE TO ETERNAL PEACE. LUKE: IS SHE ASLEEP? LAURA: YES. SHE HAD A GOOD TIME. LUKE: THE INNOCENCE OF BABES. I THINK IT'S A GOOD THING EVERYBODY KEPT THEIR COOL TONIGHT, DON'T YOU? UNTIL NOW. AROUND HERE, WE SURE DO LIKE OUR SALAD. AND THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE KRAFT DRESSINGS... FIGURE THAT SOME OF THOSE NEW TASTES WE'VE ALL DISCOVERED... WOULD MAKE REALLY GOOD DRESSINGS. LIKE CREAMY PARMESAN ROMANO. IT'S THEIR NEW SPECIAL COLLECTI. THEY'RE ALL NEW, BUT THEY'RE ALL KRAFT. JUST BECAUSE WE'VE GROWN UP ON CATALINA... DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T LIKE A GOOD BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE WHEN WE TASTE IT. COULD YOU PASS THE BREAD, PLEASE ? I GUESS THEY JUST KNOW WHAT WE LIKE. NEW OR NOT, AROUND HERE, THE DRESSING IS KRAFT. A HOUSE CALL WITH DR. T. BERRY BRAZELTON. DON'T RUSH YOUR TODDLER INTO TOILET TRAINING... OR LET ANYONE ELSE TELL YOU IT'S TIME. - NO ! - IT'S GOT TO BE HIS CHOICE. SO I'M GLAD THERE'S FINALLY A BIGGER DIAPER FOR GROWING TODDLERS. WHAT A BIG HELP AND A TERRIFIC IDEA. NOW HE CAN DECIDE FOR HIMSELF WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. IT'S GOT TO BE HIS ACHIEVEMENT-- NO ONE ELSE'S. INTRODUCING PAMPERS SIZE 6-- SPECIALLY DESIGNED FOR GROWING TODDLERS. FIGHTS IN YOUR LIFE...BUT NEVER LIKE THE ONE YOUR ABOUT TO SEE ON DAYS. I'M TALKING ABOUT VIVIAN AND KATE...WHOA...WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A DENTAL DEVICE THAT CONTROLS VIVIANS MOOD GOES HAYWIRE? CLAWS ARE EXTENDED AND I'VE GOT YOUR SCOOP TODAY AT 3. / / LAURA: WHAT YOU DID TONIGHT WAS OUTRAGEOUS. LUKE: OUTRAGEOUS? I THOUGHT I SHOWED INCREDIBLE RESTRAINT NOT USING DYNAMITE AND A BLOWTORCH. LAURA: OH, COME ON, LUKE. YOU HAD NO RIGHT. LUKE: I HAVE NO RIGHT? THAT LITTLE GIRL UPSTAIRS IS MINE. LAURA: SHE IS OURS. LUKE: I THOUGHT WE WERE CLEAR ON THIS, BUT APPARENTLY NOT -- I DO NOT WANT YOU TAKING MY DAUGHTER TO DEVIL'S ISLAND. LAURA: LOOK -- OH, YOUR DAUGHTER ALSO HAPPENS TO BE NIKOLAS' SISTER. I REFUSE TO KEEP THOSE TWO APART. LUKE: YOU REFUSE? LAURA: YES. I DO. LUKE: WELL, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US? LAURA: I DON'T KNOW, LUKE. YOU TELL ME. LUKE: FROM HERE, IT LOOKS LIKE THE FAST TRACK TO HELL. MONICA: SO YOUR PATH OF ATTACK IS JUSTUS. YOU THINK IF YOU CAN PRESSURE HIM, YOU CAN GET TO MY SON. TAGGERT: YOUR SON IS NOT THE TARGET. MONICA: IS THIS GENERALLY HOW YOU WORK, JUST TELLING BALD-FACED LIES? DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE A LITTLE CRAFTIER THAN THAT? TAGGERT: WELL, MOST PEOPLE AREN'T AS SUSPICIOUS AS YOU ARE. MONICA: THEN THE PEOPLE YOU DEAL WITH AREN'T VERY SMART. TAGGERT: THERE IS STREET-SMART AND THERE IS BOOK-SMART, LIKE YOUR HUSBAND -- VERY EDUCATED. PRISON IS HELL ON THE BOOK TYPES. MONICA: WELL, I CAN DECIPHER THE OBVIOUS. YOU SNAG JUSTUS, YOU GET TO MY SON. TAGGERT: WOULD THAT BE SO BAD? MONICA: MY SON IN PRISON? TAGGERT: WHO MENTIONED PRISON? MONICA: YOU DID. TAGGERT: I'D GET ZERO SATISFACTION FROM THROWING MORGAN IN THE CLINK. NOW, WE CAN DO AWAY WITH THIS WHOLE PRISON THING IF YOU COULD JUST SEE CLEAR TO HELPING ME OUT. MONICA: WHAT, YOU MAKE A CASE AGAINST JASON -- NOT FOR INDICTMENT PURPOSES, OF COURSE, JUST FOR GENERAL SPORT. TAGGERT: I DON'T WANT TO INCARCERATE YOUR SON. CRIMINAL EMPIRES CAN BE RUN FROM A CELL. I WANT YOUR SON TO CHOOSE A NEW CAREER. THAT'S WHAT I WANT. WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU KNOW? DON'T ANSWER. CHEW ON IT. TAKE YOUR TIME. JASON: ANY REGRETS? JUSTUS: WHAT, ABOUT WORKING WITH YOU? YOU KNOW, I USED TO THINK THAT I WOULD TOSS AND TURN ALL NIGHT. I'VE BEEN SLEEPING LIKE A BABY. GUESS MAYBE I WAS BORN FOR A LIFE OF -- OF CREATIVE MANEUVERING. JASON: WELL, YOU'RE GOOD AT IT, JUSTUS -- THE BEST I'VE SEEN. JUSTUS: WELL, I'M FLEXING MUSCLES I HAVEN'T USED IN QUITE SOME TIME. KEPT ME PRETTY HEMMED IN AT E.L.Q. JASON: WASTE OF TALENT. JUSTUS: YOU KNOW, THE FUNNY THING ABOUT TALENT IS WHEN YOU DON'T USE IT, YOU FORGET IT'S THERE. JASON: IT'S THERE. JUSTUS: WELL, I LIKE FEELING IT AGAIN. JASON: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOTICED. IF I PASS THE REINS TO YOU IN THE MORNING, YOU COULD BE IN CONTROL BY MIDDAY. JUSTUS: YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING? JASON: NO, JUST THAT THE GUYS RESPECT YOU, AND THEY SHOULD. JUSTUS: YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ANY SUDDEN MOVES? JASON: YOU'D BE THE FIRST TO KNOW. JUSTUS: WELL, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD BECAE I LIKE IT HERE, AND I PLAN TO BEERE FOR A LONG TIME. JASON: YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S ALMOST MICHAEL'S BEDTIME. I WANT TO -- I WANT TO SEE HIM BEFORE HE GOES DOWN FOR THE COUNT. I HAVE A MEETING AT THE PIER. YOU WALKING OUT? JUSTUS: NO, I THINK I'LL JUST STAY HERE AND KEEP AN EYE ON THE TRAFFIC. YOU NEVER KNOW. JASON: HEY, BOBBIE. YOU KNOW, LUCAS TAUGHT ME HANGMAN IN THE CAR ON THE OUR BACK. BOBBIE: I KNOW. HE TOLD ME HE HAD SUCH A WONDERFUL TIME. JASON: WELL, WE'LL DO IT AGAIN. BOBBIE: OK. HE WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT. THANK YOU. JASON: ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. BOBBIE: GOOD NIGHT. DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE PROJECTING? MAC IS THE GIVEN. THE WILD CARD IS YOU. FELICIA: THERE ARE QUESTION MARKS ALL OVER IT. BOBBIE: OK, WELL, I SAY WE GET RID OF THEM RIGHT NOW. DO YOU LOVE MAC? FELICIA: IT'S A LOT MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. BOBBIE: YES OR NO? FELICIA: YES, I DO, BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S ONLY HALF THE EQUATION. BOBBIE: CAN YOU IMAGINE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM? FELICIA: NO, I CAN'T, BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT DOESN'T REALLY -- BOBBIE: SO, DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED TO HIM? WHEN YOU THINK "SOUL MATE," IS IT HIS FACE THAT YOU SEE? FELICIA: MM-HMM. YES. BOBBIE: WELL, THEN, DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE? I DON'T THINK SO, NOT THAT I CAN SEE. JERRY: FOR A WOMAN WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE SPOKEN FOR, YOU SPEND RATHER A LOT OF TIME ON YOUR OWN. FELICIA: ARE YOU SECRETLY FOLLOWING ME? JERRY: I AM A FOLLOWER OF BEAUTY -- A CONNOISSEUR OF SORTS. AND I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU WITHOUT YOUR INTENDED. IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO BE FRANK. BOBBIE: NOT THAT ANYTHING COULD STOP HIM. JERRY: WE HAVE A GRAND TRADITION IN THE OLD COUNTRY. FELICIA: WHAT COUNTRY IS THAT? BOBBIE: OH, I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT -- IT STARTS WITH AN A. JERRY: WOMEN WHO ARE ABOUT TO BE SHACKLED FOR LIFE FREQUENTLY RIDE INTO THE SUNSET WITH DARK CABALLEROS. FELICIA: DO I KNOW ANY CABALLEROS? JERRY: I HAVE A PALOMINO -- A FULL STABLE, IN FACT. BOBBIE: A FULL STABLE. WELL, THAT I CAN BELIEVE. FELICIA: I'M NOT THE "RIDE INTO THE SUNSET" TYPE. JERRY: THEN WE HAVE ANOTHER REVERED TRADITION. FELICIA: OH? JERRY: COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE LAST HURRAH, WHICH INVOLVES SEVERAL DAYS OF PRENUPTIAL SECLUSION IN THE ARMS OF A DASHING -- BOBBIE: HOUND. FELICIA: YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD HAVE PENCILED YOURSELF INTO MY SCHEDULE WEEKS AGO. I AM SO BOOKED UP. JERRY: PITY. BUT I HAVE ONE LAST OFFER -- LET ME BUY YOU LADIES A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. THEN YOU COULD DRINK TO ME. FELICIA: SOME OTHER TIME. I REALLY HAVE TO GO. I HAVE A WEDDING TO PLAN. JERRY: YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED, SO YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE. I'LL SEE YOU BACK AT THE BAR IN 10 MINUTES. FELICIA: OH, BOY, IS HE STUCK ON YOU. BOBBIE: OH, PLEASE. HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I WAS HERE. FELICIA: THE WHOLE CABALLERO BIT -- THAT CERTAINLY WASN'T FOR MY BENEFIT. BOBBIE: WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE? FELICIA: TRUST ME. I HAVE A PH.D. IN CABALLERO. ADIOS. BOBBIE: CABALLEROS, MY BEHIND. IF YOU QUIT WORKING AFTER ONLY FOUR HOURSYOU'D PROBABLY GET FIRED, RIGHT? RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT ORDINARY PAIN RELIEVERS DO-- WORK FOR A WHILE, THEN QUIT. BUT NOW THERE'S ALEVE. ONLY ALEVE HAS THE STRENGTH TO WORK ALL DAY LONG WITH JUST TWO PILLS. IT WOULD TAKE EIGHT TYLENOL TO DO THAT. SO IF THE PAIN RELIEVER YOU USE DOESN'T WORK THE WAY YOU WANT... FIRE IT. FIRE IT. AND TAKE ALEVE. TWO PILLS. ALL DAY RELIEF. WORKS FOR ME. THE TOOTHPASTE SO ADVANCED, IT KEEPS WORKING... [ Brushing ] EVEN WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED BRUSHING. COLGATE TOTAL. SO ADVANCED, IT WORKS THROUGHOUT THE DAY... WHEREVER YOU ARE, FIGHTING CAVITIES AND TARTAR. IT FIGHTS BAD BREATH WHILE YOU'RE WORKING. IT EVEN FIGHTS PLAQUE AND GINGIVITIS... WHILE YOU'RE HAVING FUN. - SURPRISE ! - LONG-LASTING PROTECTION... THROUGHOUT THE DAY. [ Brushing ] COLGATE TOTAL: HERE'S A FIRST-- A DANDRUFF SHAMPOO FROM PANTENE. IT COMBINES THE LEADING DANDRUFF-FIGHTING TECHNOLOGY WITH PRO-VITAMIN CONDITIONING. SO IT NOT ONLY RELIEVES ITCHING AND FLAKING, BUT ACTUALLY IMPROVES YOUR HAIR'S HEALTHY SHINE. TRY NEW PANTENE PRO-V ANTI-DANDRUFF SHAMPOO. WHEN I BITE INTO A YORK PEPPERMINT PATTIE, I GET THE SENSATION THAT I'M RIDING ON A CHAIR LIFT IN THE SWISS ALPS... THE CRISP AIR RUSHING BY ME ON MY WAY TO THE SNOWY PEAKS! YORK PEPPERMINT PATTIE. GET THE SENSATION. JERRY: SO, DID YOU GIVE ANY THOUGHT TO MY PROPOSAL? JUSTUS: YOU MEAN MARSHALING THE DOCKS PROJECT ALONG? JERRY: EASING THE PATH TO CPLETION, WITH MORGAN'S BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. JUSTUS: YEAH, WELL, I'VE GOT IT IN THE OLD HOPPER. JERRY: LET ME KNOW WHEN IT'S FULLY PROCESSED. IN THE MEANTIME, ARE YOU EXCLUSIVE TO MORGAN, OR ARE YOU OPEN TO BROADENING YOUR CLIENTELE? JUSTUS: WELL, I DRAW THE LINE AT CONFLICT OF INTEREST. JERRY: THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY, WORKING FOR ME. LOOK, PORT CHARLES IS NOT THE CENTER OF ALL COMMERCE. I HAVE BUSINESSES ALL OVER THE WORLD. AND I NEED A SMART LAWYER, FOND OF CHALLENGE AND NOT ADVERSE TO A LARGE RETAINER. JUSTUS: OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT RETAINERS ARE JUST GOLDEN LEASHES, AND I DON'T DO LEASHES ANYMORE. SO IT WOULD STRICTLY BE ON A PAY-AS-YOU-GO BASIS. JERRY: IS THAT A YES OR A NO? JUSTUS: THAT'S AN "I HAVEN'T MADE UP MY MIND." JERRY: LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU DO. NIKOLAS: FOR ONCE IT FELT LIKE A NORMAL DINNER, NOT A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME ARRANGEMENT. STEFAN: YES. YOU AND YOUR MOTHER WERE ENJOYING YOURSELVES BEFORE LUKE RUDELY INTERVENED. NIKOLAS: WELL, HE CAME TO CLAIM HIS POSSESSIONS. UNFORTUNATELY, MY MOTHER IS ONE OF THEM. I'VE COME TO ACCEPT THAT. STEFAN: PREMATURELY. LUKE'S DAY OF RECKONING WILL COME. NIKOLAS: LAURA CAN'T TURN BACK THE CLOCK AND REVISE HER CHOICES. BUT MY SISTER'S LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING, AND IT IS RIDICULOUS THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE TO GROW UP IN THE SHADOW OF SOMETHING SO VILE. STEFAN: THAT SHADOW WILL SOON RECEDE, NIKOLAS. NIKOLAS: NOT UNLESS WE ACT. STEFAN: SPENCER IS HIS OWN WORST ENEMY, NIKOLAS. HE FLAUNTS HIS FRAILTIES LIKE A PEACOCK HIS PLUMAGE. NOW, WHAT DOES SUN TZU SAY OF SUCH AN ENEMY? [NIKOLAS GROANS] STEFAN: WHAT? NIKOLAS: ENCOURAGE HIS ARROGANCE. STEFAN: AND? NIKOLAS: KEEP HIM UNDER A STRAIN. STEFAN: AND? NIKOLAS: AND WHEN HE IS UNITED, DIVIDE HIM. STEFAN: THE WISDOM OF THE AGES MUST BE BELIEVED. LAURA: I WILL NOT ABANDON MY CHILD AGAIN. LUKE: YOU LOST NIKOLAS A LONG TIME AGO, LAURA. LAURA: I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM. HE IS PART OF ME. I LOVE HIM. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? LUKE: WHAT DO YOU LOVE, THE MEMORY OF STAVROS? LAURA: OH, STOP IT! LUKE: THE MEMORY OF THOSE IDYLLIC DAYS ON THE ISLAND? LAURA: DON'T DO THIS TO ME, PLEASE. LUKE: I AM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND, SWEETHEART. I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU PUT ALL THIS TOGETHER IN YOUR MIND. LAURA: I HAD A BABY, LUKE. LUKE: A CASSADINE. LAURA: NO, A BABY! MY BABY. MY GOD, ARE YOU SO LIMITED THAT YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT? WHAT IF YOU HAD A CHILD FROM SOME OTHER TIME IN YOUR LIFE? IF YOU SAW HIM TODAY, WOULD YOU CONSIDER HIM YOUR ENEMY? DO YOU HAVE TO CARRY A CHILD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO HOLD SOMEONE IN YOUR HEART? LUKE: NO, YOU DON'T. THAT LITTLE GIRL UPSTAIRS OWNS MY SOUL. AND YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY SOUL TO WYNDEMERE! LAURA: OK. ALL RIGHT. I THINK THAT IS A FAIR REQUEST. BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP HER APART FROM HER BROTHER, AND YOU CAN'T KEEP ME APART FROM MY SON. I'M ASKING YOU -- I AM BEGGING YOU -- PLEASE, ALLOW US TO MEET WITH NIKOLAS IN SOME KIND OF A NEUTRAL PLACE. LUKE: "ALLOW" YOU? LAURA: WELL, DON'T YOU THINK I'M ENTITLED TO? LUKE: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, ARE YOU? LAURA: NO. CAN YOU LIVE WITH IT? LUKE: THE ALTERNATIVE IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. LAURA: SO YOU'LL COMPROMISE, THEN? LUKE: IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT, A COMPROMISE? LAURA: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU CALL IT! LUKE: SO BE IT. LAURA: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? LUKE: I'M GOING TO GET SOME AIR. TAGGERT: ANGER BOY -- ON TOP OF THE WORLD, NOTHING TO BE ANGRY ABOUT. NEWS FLASH, PORT CHARLES "HERALD" -- "ANGER BOY MELLOWS OUT." JASON: ARE YOU JUST MAKING SOUNDS, OR YOU HAVE SOMETHING WORTHWHILE TO SAY? TAGGERT: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT HAVING IT KNOCKED -- THE HIGHER YOU FLY, THE HARDER YOU FALL. JASON: IS THAT A THREAT? TAGGERT: HEY, NO WAY, MAN. YORE TOO SLICK FOR ME, QUARTERBRAIN. AND I'M SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN I'M LICKED. THE HIGHER THEY FLY, THE HARDER THEY FALL. THE HIGHER THEY FLY, THE HARDER THEY FALL. ALAN: FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, LATENESS IS NOT FASHIONABLE WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU. MAN: WHAT, DOCTORS FROM CINCINNATI? ALAN: DEALERS. WHERE ARE MY PILLS? MAN: NICE SPREAD. WHAT TIME WILL DINNER BE SERVED? ALAN: DINE ON THIS. PROBABLY GET YOURSELF AN A-LIST TABLE AT A FOUR-STAR RESTAURANT. MAN: HMM. GRACIOUS FOR ONCE, AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN AIRBORNE. ALAN: CLOTHES COMMAND RESPECT. MONICA: ALAN? - GUESS WHAT THE KIDS CALL GRAMPY'S CHAIR ? - THE STINKY CHAIR ! YOU KNOW, I HAVE A STINKY CHAIR PROBLEM TOO. HIS NAME IS GEORGE. [ Announcer ] WELL, NOW THERE'S A WAY TO GET BAD SMELLS OUT OF FABRICS FOR GOOD. IT'S CALLED FEBREZE. IT'S NEW. AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW MANY PLACES YOU'LL FIND TO SPRAY IT. [ Announcer ] SEE, FEBREZE HELPS CLEAN FABRICS IN A WAY YOU NEVER COULD BEFORE. - AND IT'S NOT JUST COVERING ONE SMELL WITH ANOTHER. - EXACTLY. JUST SPRAY FEBREZE. ITS PATENTED CLEANING SYSTEM FINDS THE SMELLS TRAPPED IN FABRICS... AND GENTLY CLEANS THEM AWAY AS IT DRIES. ONCE IT'S DRY, THE SMELL'S GONE FOR GOOD. - FEBREZE ? UH, CHECK THE LAUNDRY AISLE. - AND CHECK THIS OUT. [ Announcer ] IT'S SAFE, FROM DRESS BLUES TO TEDDY BEARS. I WONDER IF THEY'LL CALL IT THE SLEEPY CHAIR NOW.  WHEN IT'S TIME TO CLEAN YOUR OUTSIDE WINDOWS, DOES THE JOB SEEM THIS BIG ? NEXT TIME, TRY WINDEX OUTDOOR. ITS CONCENTRATED FORMULA AND SHEETING ACTION... DISSOLVE TOUGH GRIME TO GET WINDOWS CLEAN. WINDEX OUTDOOR. I'LL SKI ANYWHERE. THE SUN, MY LI ARE BURNING. AHHH ! I NEED SOME CHAPSTICK. CHAPSTICK. CHAPSTICK ULTRA 30 WITH SPF 30. SERIOUS LIP PROTECTION. MMMPOP ! COME ON. STICK IT TO THE SUN. ==?? AT SNACKWELL'S, WE LIKE TO THINK THAT SNACKING SHOULDN'T JUST BE ABOUT FEEDING YOURSELF, BUT, IN SOME SMALL WAY, ABOUT FEEDING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. AND IT SHOULDN'T SIMPLY BE ABOUT FILLING YOURSELF, BUT ABOUT FULFILLING YOURSELF. IN THIS SPIRIT, WE INTRODUCE THE ALL NEW SNACKWELL'S. RICH. LUSCIOUS. BETTER THAN EVER. YET AMAZINGLY, STILL REDUCED IN FAT, SO THEY'RE SIMPLY BETTER FOR YOU. THE ALL NEW SNACKWELL'S. LIVING WITH PEOPLE MEANS GIVE AND TAKE. LIKE, MY ROOMMATES GET TO EAT MY COOKING SCHOOL HOMEWORK, SO THEY CLEAN UP. THEY DO A GREAT JOB. THEY SPEND HOURS SCRUBBING AND SOAKING MY PRECIOUS KETTLES. [ Announcer ] CASCADE GEL LETS YOU PUT THINGS INTO THE DISHWASHER... YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD, BECAUSE IT BREAKS UP AND DISSOLVES TOUGH FOODS. OTHERS CAN LEAVE YOUR STUFF LOOKING LIKE THIS, BUT CASCADE CAN LEAVE EVERYTHING AMAZINGLY CLEAN. NOW, THIS ALMOST MAKES ME WANT TO PAY THEIR PART OF THE RENT. [ Chuckles ] ALMOST. MONICA: WHERE IS N? ALAN: I HAVE NO IDEA. HE PUT ME TO SLEEP WITH HIS WHINING, AND WHEN I WOKE UP, HE'D DISAPPEARED, THANK GOD. HE WAS IN THE MOST SELF-INDULGENT SNIT. MONICA: I HEARD YOU TALKING TO SOMEBODY. ALAN: MYSELF. I WAS JUST WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE. MONICA: HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED? ALAN: I HAD AN EPIPHANY, MONICA. YOU ARE MY LIFE SUPPORT. MONICA: ALAN -- ALAN: I'M LIKE A PATIENT WITH A RARE NERVE DISEASE, PARALYZED AND ATTACHED TO A RESPIRATOR. AND IF YOU PULL THE PLUG, I'M GOING TO DIE. MONICA: I AM NOT GOING TO PULL ANY PLUG. ALAN: I LOVE YOU. MONICA: AND I LOVE YOU, TOO, BUT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TO PROTECT YOU. ALAN: IT'LL BE ENOUGH TO KEEP ME GOING UNTIL I GET BETTER. MONICA: NO, ALAN, YOU -- YOU'RE PUTTING YOURSELF AT RISK. THERE ARE OTHER FACTORS, AND -- WHAT IF YOU SHOULD GET ARRESTED? ALAN: I WON'T. MONICA: NO, BUT WHAT IF YOU DID? ALAN: I PROMISE YOU -- MONICA: ALAN, YOU CAN'T MAKE PROMISES LIKE THAT. LET ME JUST SAY THAT IF, GOD FORBID, YOU FOUND YOURSELF IN JAIL -- ALAN: I WOULDN'T MAKE IT THROUGH ONE NIGHT. YOU'D FIND ME HANGING FROM MY CELL IN THE MORNING. MONICA: WELL, SUDDENLY I'M VERY TIRED. I NOTICED THAT YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING IN OUR ROOM SINCE I'VE BEEN AWAY. ALAN: YES. MONICA: WELL, I HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO DO SO SINCE I'M BACK. ALAN: I'D LIKE THAT. MONICA: WILL YOU COME TO BED? ALAN: YES, IN A MINUTE. YOU GO AHEAD. MONICA: YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME, YOU KNOW THAT? JERRY: SO, LET'S TAKE THIS PARTY UPSTAIRS TO MY ROOM. BOBBIE: THIS ISN'T A PARTY. THIS IS A FRIENDLY DRINK. JERRY: I THOUGHT WE WERE SOMEWHAT MORE THAN FRIENDLY. BOBBIE: WELL, WE MIGHT HAVE BEEN UNTIL TONIGHT. BUT MY IDEA OF FOREPLAY IS NOT WATCHING YOU COME ON TO ANOTHER WOMAN, AND I LIKE TO THINK I CAN HOLD A MAN'S ATTENTION FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME. JERRY: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORY? WHAT WAS YOUR MOST CHERISHED FAMILY PET? WHEN YOU DREAM, IS IT IN BLACK AND WHITE OR COLOR? WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? BOBBIE: GOOD NIGHT, JERRY. THANKS FOR THE DRINK. BOBBIE SEE YOU AROUND, MR. JACKS. LAURA: I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY. I NEVER THOUGHT BEYOND THE NEXT DAY ON THIS ISLAND BECAUSE I DIDN'T CARE IF THERE WAS ONE. BUT NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT I CAN LOVE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. STEFAN: YOU WILL GIVE US AN HEIR. BECAUSE OF YOU, WE WON'T DISAPPEAR AS WE MAY DESERVE TO. YOU AND YOUR CHILD WILL HAVE MY EVERY LOYALTY. >> STAY TUNED FOR SC